Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Onward to victory!

What lad doesn't dream of joining the British Colonial Expeditionary Forces?

There's simply no life for a man like exploring the solar system, trusty aetheric oscillator (or "ray gun" in the youngsters' parlance) is hand, bringing peace and proper table manners to the jibber-jabbering natives of the moon, Venus, and beyond. (And must I even mention that the uniforms are bang-and-crackers with the ladies?) Why, maybe he'll even meet every boy's hero, Lord Cockswain, that famed naturalist who's responsible for discovering and blasting away more unknown species than anyone else.

But even before he's ready to sign up, a young man can still learn about the solar system and his place in charge of it with Dr. Grordbort Presents: Victory.

This almanac, illustrated by Greg Broadmore, is full up to its snodgers with thrilling scientific niblets. Pursue the handy guide for spotting the early warning signs of a robot uprising. Wonder at the bestiary of Venusian wildlife (including information on which of the majestic creatures make the best pair of boots.) There's even compartmentalized picture essays--some common types refer to them as "comics"--about Lord Cockswain and his many triumphs over the possibly dangerous and certainly gross-looking Moon Men.

Victory is printed specifically for our young men and literate ladies by the good people at Doctor Grordbort's Infallible Aetheric Oscillators, Inc. This of course puts one in mind of that other paper-and-ink treasure of childhood, Doctor Grordbort's Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory. I can't tell you how many rainy days me and my little compatriots spent pouring over the directory, marveling at the wonders our gadget-tastic age had to offer. Need a portable massmotron? An Automaitre D' robo-servant? Or maybe a Victorious Mongoose concealable ray pistol? Doctor Grordbort has every necessary item for home or moonbase.

Like Victory, this year's directory was fully illustrated by Greg Broadmore, and includes helpful information about each quality item. For instance, did you know the Goliathon infinity beam projector can dissolve 7/9ths of an African Elephant in ten Earth seconds? Put a rush on my order, Doctor Grordbort!

Ours is a vast and miraculous solar system, filled with sights mankind has yet to even dream of. But don't worry. With luck, pluck, and the good Doctor Grordbort on our side, we'll crush all that tosh under our collective boot as we march ONWARD TO VICTORY!



Cross-posted on Kristopher's blog.


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3 comments:

Susan Quinn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan Quinn said...

Alright, trying again. . .

Ha! This looks like a fab book.
I've left a blogger award for Guys Lit Wire on my blog Ink Spells today.

Colleen said...

Where has this been my whole life? I'm so getting this book, like NOW.